surat untuk masa depan

at first instance, lagi beberapa bulan/hari mahu berambus dari mmu-booooooo adalah senyuman juga ketawa sinis.eh.tak lupa pada encik syukur...alhamdulillah...

tapi...

kepada

encik masa depan,

apa harus aku aturkan utk hidup ni? boleh tak nak elaun tiap2 bulan dan annoyingkan mak aku hari2?

boleh tak nangis balik rumah je bila semua benda seperti tahi?mama ada kat rumah.eh.kena carik ofis dekat dengan rumah.

aku tak rasa nak keje lah.aku tau ...kalau aku start keje,aku adalah workaholic dan ignorekan semua dalam life aku termasuk afiqqqqqqqqq... weekend adalah hari tidurrrr... hahaha...

kalau aku sambung master...itu interesting.tapi encik masa depan, aku nak amik specialize in what?buntu lah wei. cait betul.

ni clp punya hal lagi ni.... entah apa keputusan clp...

ok set! aku akan decide masa depan lepas clp settle....

bye encik masa depan.sehingga di lain hari.

(langkah bijak men-delay perancangan masa depan...yeh!)

i want this!!

adik

aku ingat, bila putus cinta bila kau btol2 serius dengan relationship tu, itulah sakit paling worst yang orang lain boleh buat pada hati aku...but i was seriusly wrong.... sobs.... sakit paling sakit adalah bila yg tercinta.cinta yg complicated... cinta hati yg kita ada pertalian darah... that the loves for them is unconditioned.... sedih yo...

i know my past with her was never good... i was never good enough... i was never the best... it hurts more bila kau try ur best to make things better but i guess it will never will.. becoz something will just mess it up.mungkin mess up tu datang dari aku.. so yeah.... it hurts like hell... and always there is tears when i think about her... i guess u are better without me harassing u... okay.. i will kept myself away.. and make u think i less care... be invisible almost all the time... and just disappear from ur life..mungkin kamu lebih happy...

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
Can I start again with my faith shaken?

So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send out a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

:(

so u heard...

so u heard that the interviews were DONE.... aku tak taulah good or bad... but, bila aku pegi karok utk release tension and all the mentally torture, i got few songs that suits masa sblum and selepas interviews... ngeh3...

okay..masa nak pagi nak pegi interview...dengan blazer semua teringgal kat kl without aku sedar (ma! did u take out my coat from the bonet kereta? not cool ma..putus napas okay bila carik takde..)...nasib baik afiq ada blazer... though it seems funnieh pakai blazer lelaki.lantak lah kan.janji ado.. hahahaha.besides, bukannya interview was about fashion rite?... dan lagu tema masa tu yg aku ulang2 nyanyi adalah...

you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to rise from the fall
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my knowledge to share
and I'll survive
I will survive

bring it on sucka! (eh..ni aku tambah sendiri....)

(i will survive by Gloria Gaynor).....

during the interview...especially on the 2nd panel.... dowh..they were like.....in simple terms... we.. i mean I felt like drowning in hell.... so yeah.. this songs suits the situation

Easy come, easy go (well u guys comes occasionally to find the fault)
That's just how you live, oh (yeah...part of ur job....)
Take, take, take it all, (take all the dirt u can collect from us... but we are unite as one...)
But you never give (u never gives us chance by being sarcastic all the time to us)...

(grenade by bruno mars)

and lepas interview... aku rasa macam..what the hell.. we had gone thru the worst...apa lagi boleh jadi?kalau xdapat....we will just go the other route..we will take the clp (to those yg nak practice la kan...)... nothing can stop us.. dapat atau tidak.... kami tetap akan melangkah.... masuk dalam field ni... there is no giving up.... we will live and keep moving forward walaupon dengan baby steps... i guess 5 years in University, yeah... the lecturers teaches us something more than just keeping up with CGPA....

thus tetiba nak nyanyi lagu ni dengan all my rakan seperjuangan!!! lets hit the song!

Pahit getir hidup...
dan pengorbanan
Terpaksa dihadapi,
demi kejayaan
Terdidik sejak mula,
tabah berusaha
Tanpa cuba melangkah,
tak kemana
Di mana kau berada
Pencapaian tak tiba dengan mudah

Kini "Standing In The Eyes Of The World"
Hanyalah selangkah dari nyata
Keazaman membara dijiwa
Menanti saat bebas merdeka

(standing in the eyes of the world- Ella)

yeah.. so the hell whether we get it or not.... we already try our best rite? i do...

tapi tipulah kalau aku cakap aku tak hope kiteorg dapat.of coz we will be sad, torn apart... but then again we will rise and move on...that u can never stops us... hahahahahaha

tak sukalah!

saya tak:

1) tak suka dengan idea subsidi... rakyat jadi malas dan dependent. apa kata keluarkan program dari bg sedekah saje, tukar format untuk tolong rakyat jadi independent... tough love is the best... sampai bila kerajaan nak manjakan semua rakyat....

2) sy tak suka jalan raya di kl... apa ni! bila pilihanraya baru nak elokkan jalan? pergh.. nangis tau tak drive around kl...nangis...jahanam kereta.

okay tu je.. hahahaha..poyo macam banyak je nak komplen..hahaha...

hammer..eh..hummer

ni impian di angin lalu... setengah juta tu harga dia. sobs.sobs. ada sapa nak kasik free x? hot kot kete impian aku ni... no more sport cars like mitsubishi la... apa la kan... semua yg jenis kalau kau lalu bumper kena lemah kembik.... yg kalau jalan lubang2, nangis je kalau terlanggar... sekarang jiwa driving aku dah tough dah... aku nak langgar je semua lubang2 jalan yg akan dibiaki hanya bila pilihanraya.. bila ah pilihanraya? jalan raya kat kl dah nazak dah ni... annoying gila semua jalan pon menjahanamkan baby honda aku. huhuhu...

nak tunggu pilihanraya, mmg jahanam ah kete aku tu.. maka, kalau bawak si hummer ni mesti cool je langgar lubang puaka... bumper tinggi macam xnak orang lalu je.. sobs.

korang cer cer cer tengok baby impian aku ni.. hot stuff x? seksi kot.. auwww!

yg merah hitam ni paling seksi oh.. ada sapa nak kasik x? mehla kasik i..satu je..pehlissss....

huhuhuhuhu..mmg tak mampu la...

kenapa kau ni amek menatang ni? kenapa?

first of all becozz i just hate those maths and science thinggy... hahaha... those make me sleepy. rather than focus on the subject the pn who? was teaching, i was thinking really hard to escape the class without feeling any guilty. the reality? i cannot escape the class without any feeling guilty.dem! being sick is like horaaaaaaaaaaaay! tp budak gumuk mana ada selalu sakit.dah tua2 ni baru la asthma , belakang sakit la, kaki cramp la.. duh. mana kau sakit bila kelas bio ke? chemistry ke? fizik boleh tahan lagi la sbb cekgu fizik tuisyen sy hensem. hensem gila okay. siap ada kembar lagi. ololololo..

sekarang pon menatang science thinggy je make me go... blah blah blah blah... dizzy nak muntah semua. hahahaha. kalau afiq cerita bout his assignment or what eva he do in the class today, aku akan tengok muka dia smbil dengar blah...blah...blah... and was sooooo happy kalau dia dah habis discuss menatang tu. hahahaha.. afiq dah lama give up nak cerita benda2 ni dengan aku. dia akan end up fed up.... "fine! u xnak dengar sudah" hahaha.emosi la... jantan tak bole emosi perkara kecik. dah jadi less comel.

korang mesti nak tau kenapa aku nak amik jugak science stream masa sekolah kan... it was a fair deal... aku buat deal ngan apak ama aku, kalau aku just go thru with this science stream and x perform apatah lagi jatuh cinta or ada minat dengan science thinggy, they would let me decide on what i wanna do next..

fair deal la kan.. at least aku tak tertanya tanya "kalau aku amek science stream mungkin aku jatoh cinta kot...kot lah"....

yeah.yeah. i screw up my spm big time. hahaha.xdelah screw sgt... cuma A tu dalam 6A je.. hahaha.. yg lain2 tu, managed to get some C and B... not bad la kan? tu kira tak minat tu.. habis tak suka la tu. cer cer kalau aku minat.. kompom xde C... B tu sikit2 la.. hahahahah...

lepas tu aku menang deal aku la kan.. hahahaha.. no more pressure like " amek medic pon okay... amek dentist pon okay... scientist not bad... chemist ke..." duh.. stress okay bila semua adalah bio,kimia dan fizik dan juga add math..

walaubagaimana pon.. mak ayah sy, especially abah la kan.... the man that always stood by me and can hear all my rubbish stories also deal with the teenage hormon in his own way.hahahaha... pegilah segala mak nenek education fair and all...

aku mcam... arkitek okay jugak... but then fizik, add math hancus.. dem!

aku nak amek psikology.. but then again of coz kau kena paham komponen kepala otak kan? so, no!

last sekali..last sekali tau... aku pikir undang2... hahahaha... pastu aku bg idea bernas kat mak aku.. howbout i do psikology dengan undang2, great combo apa kan? hahahaha... kena ayat2 cinta mak aku sikit punya baik.. baiklah....

then sampailah sekarang, dah tua.. nak grad dah... gosh.. how did i survive again?

dulu, aku plg susah nak jawab soalan dalam kelas.. bukan sebab aku tak tau jawapan..tp suara tak terkeluar... aku plg susah nk berdiri buat presentation.but now hati dah keras.. xde hal la.. hahaha (apahal riak?)... okay tu tipu.. aku still cuak la nk presentation kan..tp takdelah smpai suara pon gigil2.. hahahaha..dulu 1st presentation, aku lah plg worst.aku rasa la.. kesian lecturer tu.hahahahha..sekarang nak gado ngan lecturer pon bole.(eceh ...ye ke? kena maki ngan mr hafiz trus zipppp! okay sir.sy kalah...)

jadi kenapa lagi sekali aku pilih law? aku sendiri tak tau.mungkin sbb abg aku selalu cakap aku adalah nik aziz junior (pakar putar belit)... hurm...maybe... apahal kau x ckp aku mahathir junior ke? siti lija junior ke? cool sikit.. hahahaha

-diari bitch sy-